The Meal

Did I mention I was into food as well? I think that, fundamentally, I'm a sensualist. There's nothing that pleases me more than a great meal. I've been enraptured by a dish of seared scallops, cauliflower puree and a spring roll, stuffed full of pork cheek and black pudding. I buckle at the knees for fois gras. A perfectly executed hamburger and chips and you are mine. So I've been considering the perfect, pre-session seduction meal.

Aperitif. Sake, served warm. Body temperature sake will produce a nice, giggly drunk. Perfect for removing the inhibitions and preparing for the treats to follow.

Starter. Scallops, grilled, served with a Laphroihg and Haggis cream. Yes, it's rich. Yes, it's decadent. And I'm not interested in a woman who counts the calories. An healthy physical appetite often translates into a healthy sexual appetite and a girl who skips starters is a big black mark in my book. I'm no huge advocate of the aphrodisiac qualities of shellfish, but there is something primal in the taste, the texture. I might not even serve this with cutlery.

Main. Spaghetti Alla Puttanesca. It translates as, 'The Whore's Spaghetti'. Garlic, capers, anchovies and tomato. Originally served in the brothels of Italy, it's strongly flavoured, (which doesn't really matter if you both eat the same thing.) and provides lots of energy. Which will hopefully be required in the very near future. Plus the name adds a certain amount of frisson.

Dessert. Mille Feuille, with ameretto cream and strawberries. It's simple. Ever tried to eat puff pastry with any amount of dignity? It can't be done. Top this all off with a decent pinot noir and I think we've got the perfect start to a very interesting evening.

And your first task? Do the dishes...